My heart aches with a burning, unseen by human eyes.
It whispers broken hymns to my soul, where it provides the bricks for an impenetrable wall of hatred and hurt.
My soul screams out for love, but pulls in nothing but failure riddled with anxiety.
I crave a love, deep and meaningful, caring and forgiving, true and trusting.
I want to be loved, for who I am.
I want someone to fall in love with my heart, not my body.
I want to look into someone’s eyes, and melt.
I want to hear love radiate through his words and feel the passion in his kiss.
Love should be simple.
Nothing is simple.
You shouldn’t have to change who you are, to be loved.
There is someone in this world, for everyone.
I believe that.
At least, I am told I should.
Someone who loved you before they even knew of your existence.
The struggle we face, is not pursuing that love, but the discovery of it.
Love is a disguise for lust.
For self fulfillment.
These actors, take your heart in their hands,
The very hands they promise to never hurt you with,
And they squeeze, until the life seeps between their fingers,
And when the beating subsides to a slow, deep, tremor..
They reach it back and walk away.
feeling used and unworthy,
The most common word on the lips of the sad and the broken.
Everyone, even those selfish actors, is worthy of love.
Even if they don’t know how to treat it when it stands beside them.
It’s so easy to love someone.
My heart drops to its knees time and time again,
For people so undeserving.
But who am I?
To say, who is undeserving?
The hardest part, is the education in it all.
Learning from mistakes made, never repeating them.
That! That is the hardest part.
I know my mistakes.
I know the roads my heart should follow.
But it’s not ready to travel them just yet.
Against my minds better judgment,
My heart drags me down these beaten paths,
With the same glimmer of hope it’s always had.
It says to me,
“Offer another chance.”
Reluctantly, I listen,
Knowing it will only lead to complete emotional devastation.
I pursue these leads with hope,
Only to wage another war,
Inside my head.
To lose another sliver of what’s left of me.
I tell myself,
I try to convince myself that I am stronger than the girl inside of me, breaking down.
I try to make myself believe I’m not hurting,
When in fact, I’m being torn apart.
When you see me,
You’re being deceived.
You see a strong, happy girl.
The girl I want you to see.
But if your eyes could see beneath my skin,
If it could see the color of my soul,
You would see a damaged, weak, terrified hue of gray.
A shadow of what I am now as opposed to who I once was.
Love is the only thing worth fighting for in this world.
At least, I’m told that I should.
love is the only reason for life.
How can one person be so sad,
So broken, by one single emotion?
My response is this;
Love is all I’ve ever had to live for.
Love is the reason I wake,
And continue my breathing every day.
Love is who I am.
Love is all that I need.
The key to life is happiness,
The key to true happiness,
I’m loving and passionate,
Because I was taught to be.
At least, that’s what I’m told.
I’d never break a heart,
Nor hesitate to mend one.
I need one person like me,
To love me,
To be the loving creature I crave so fiercely.
My search continues day to day,
And every night I pray for the strength to endure one more.
For one day,
May be all I need, for someone to fall into my arms,
And into my soul.
I’ve known love and loss.
Neither are easy, both are inevitable.
If it takes every moment of my life,
I’ll never stop searching for that love.
Longing is much older than love,
And forever will be.
I’m blessed with my mistakes,
And the knowledge gained from each.
With that knowledge,
I will go forth,
And let my heart wonder out without a mere can of pepper spray.
I will have faith,
My next venture will bring me what I am looking for.
At least, that’s what I’m told I should believe.